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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 5, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT

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dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- adam levine. from "star trek into darkness", alice eve. and music from bad rabbits. with cleto and the cletones. and now, most of all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching, thank you for coming. how are you doing? i'm glad you came. i made a lot of food. we have a lot of fun prepared for you tonight. alice eve is here. music from a good young band from boston called bad rabbits. and adam levine is here, too. oh, do you find him attractive? adam levine, in case you don't know is the lead singer for maroon 5 and coach/mentor on
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"the voice." he really takes the show "the voice" very seriously. in fact, we've been taping him where we do something like that for all the guests. well, bring that up. show what happened here. >> mr. levine, i got a roasted turkey panini with sundried tomatoes and arugua? mr. levine, i've got an egg noodle sal dad tossed in a mandarin orange vinegarette with green beans. damn it. >> amigos, i got a bottle of tequila and a two gun.
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>> i got it. >> we going to get [ bleep ] up. >> let's talk about the tattoo first. >> jimmy: that's good thinking. he doesn't need any tattoos and you don't need any more tequila. "the voice" is all alone now. last night was the season finale of "american idol" a bittersweet finale for me. it's always hard to see the runner-up fall just short after coming so close and working so hard. but on the other hand, i didn't watch it. but i'm told that candice glover beat out kree harrison to win. she's the first woman to win since jordan sparks back in 2007. the first time ever this season, all top five finalists were women. that makes sense to me, women usually last longer than men.
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so anyway, congratulations to -- is it bad that i've forgotten her name already? congratulations to her. what i do know is that last night was randy jackson's last show. he's known as the last remaining original judge. he's being september to a farm in the country where he can run around. that's what we're telling the kids at least. there was a package highlighting his great moments for the last 12 years. i guess i'm a sucker for this sort of thing, but it kind of made me sad. >> tonight is the end of an era. this evening, we say thank you very much and goodbye to randy jackson. take a look at this. >> yo, yo. yo. >> randy jackson! one of a kind. >> jimmy: well, that is sad, right? now who's going to tell us who's in it to win it? see you, dogs, next week is national dog bite prevention week. or as the dogs call it, national
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bite the humans harder week. it's something the postal service cooked up. they released a list where mail carriers are most actively attacked by dogs. the number one city is los angeles, california. i don't know why you would applaud that. there were 69 afax on postal carriers in l.a. last year. although, to be fair, some of those came from gary bucci. so they're asking residents, please keep your dogs zipped up in your purses at mail delivery time. thank you. i have what i hope is my final update on the justin bieber monkey crisis. at the end of march, justin bieber attempted to bring his
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pet monkey malli to germany. he didn't have the necessary paperwork to bring a monkey into the country. so authorities have confiscated the animal and put him into quarantine. they want to make sure the monkey isn't carrying bieber fever or anything like that. all he had to do was fill out a form and pay a fine. but he didn't. the germans gave him an ultimatum. if he didn't claim the monkey by midnight tonight or we're going to keep it for good. you better take this monkey or i promise you, we will take care of it forever. so mally is being sent to live in an animal park. and the story of mally, the abandoned monkey, is being developed now into a feature film. >> mally the monkey had finally been pushed to her limit. that primate spent a month crawling up 50 yards of fencing to freedom. the next morning, disguised as a baboon, molly hopped on the hood of a car.
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she found pleasant company on the trip to pass the long hours on the road. then she shed the disguise and boarded a plane to the united states where she snuck into a justin bieber concert. and at the perfect moment mally flung her feces at justin's head. the end. >> jimmy: that monkey has been shaved and is halfway to mexico by now. david beckham is retiring this weekend. his last game is tomorrow in paris. i think for the last game they should let him use his hands, right? just this once? beckham said i'm thankful to psg for giving me an opportunity to continue, but i feel now is the right time to finish my career, playing at the highest level.
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beckham says he plans to spend his time now on charity work and on desperately trying to make his wife smile. good luck with that. this is a story that i suspect is going to blossom like a beautiful comedy rose the next few weeks. the mayor of toronto rob ford -- if you're not familiar with rob ford -- are you from toronto? >> yes. >> jimmy: well, he's the guy who did this. >> there are people for it and people against it. excuse me, guys. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: turns out, being nearsighted is the least of his problems. there's a video being shopped around that reportedly shows him smoking crack cocaine. roort reporters from "the toronto star" saw it. the guy who showed them says he
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wants to sell it. they watched it three times in the backseat of a car. they say the man looks like the mayor with his shirt open smoking a crack pipe. he called the allegations absolutely not true and ridiculous. i'm inclined to believe him because isn't crack supposed to make you lose weight? the guy is the size of a tyronosaurus. is he a mayor or a chris farley character? we're going to keep our eyes on that one. that's for sure. tomorrow's powerball is going to be bigger than the mayor of toronto. the jackpot is already up to $600 million. the record is $650 million. people are lined up outside convenience stores all over the united states to buy tickets. this is a good tip, by the way. if you don't want to wait in line. always recreate the experience of playing the powerball at home simply by flushing a dollar down the toilet. guillermo, if you won $600 million, would you quit the show? >> [ bleep ] yeah.
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>> jimmy: seems to be everyone's fantasy being able to quit their job and tell their boss off. since most people never get the opportunity, my cousin sal set up a simulation today. weave pedestrians a chance to anonymously tell their bosses what they would say to them if they won the lottery. owe gave them masks to wear. and we present that to you now. >> if you win the $600 million powerball, what would you say to your boss? >> i've got two words for him -- suck it. >> nice. where do you work? >> somewhere. >> all right, sir, you just won $600 million, what are you going to say to your boss? >> what am i going to say to my boss? i'm going to tell him that i'm
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going to take him out for lunch. >> take him out for lunch? >> oh, sure, and leave him there. >> smack! this guy is going to take you out to lunch and leave you there. nice. >> you just won $600 million, what do you have to say to your boss? >> his breath stinks like [ bleep ] and everyone knows it. >> you're the worst boss in the world. [ bleep ] you. >> [ bleep ] i quit. fu. >> how about that. i never have to do kindergarten lunch duty again. >> i would definitely tell him about the time his wife came on to me at the christmas party. >> train your own [ bleep ] employees. >> i hope you lose your [ bleep ] job and everything. you're a horrible boss, you hypocrite. >> what's his name? >> should i say his name? >> yeah. >> emron. >> what's your name? >> prince aladdin. follow me on twitter. >> tell the boss. >> you're a crazy bitch. >> what's your name. >> kensie from dallas. >> excellent. that will be on tonight.
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>> this ticket won you $600 million. what do you have to say from your boss? >> i cannot tell a lie, but my boss is a real dumb ass. >> that's good. i think i agree. he really is a dumb stupid ass. all right, let's go. stupid ass. >> that wasn't me. >> jimmy: that wasn't you? >> no, someone else. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. when we come back, this week in "unnecessary censorship, plus adam levine, alice eve and music from bad rabbits. so come on back. you should be asking yourself
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>> jimmy: welcome back. this is an amazing video of a professional skier zipping down a mountain in the french also .s. he did a back flip over some sort of gap in the road. watch this. he's got a camera mounted on his helmet or something like that. here comes the clip. you can see there's a car. he did it right over a police car, which is all well and good.
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except for when the police are chasing him. and you know what? he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those damn ski boots. is jumping over a cop car illegal? a new public policy poll. public policy did -- this is maybe the dumbest one ever. they found that only 16% of americans have a positive view of hipsters. true. 42% of people said they had an unfavorable view of hipsters. the rest weren't sure. how could you not like a guy in a top hat to pickles his own vegetables. doesn't make sense. i thought it would be nice to talk to a real life hipster to get his take on this. and here he is right now.
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hey there, thanks for coming. thank you for coming. i wanted to ask you about this public policy poll. can you hear me? i said i want to ask you about the public policy poll. yes, thank you. that would be great. what's your name? >> larry. >> jimmy: it's nice to meet you larry. no, it's not larry. it's gregory. larry sucks. >> jimmy: what are you listening to on the headphones there? >> boats. >> jimmy: is that a band? >> no, it's just boats. >> jimmy: boats on the water boats? >> paddle boats. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i want to ask you how you feel that the fact that only 16% of the americans have a favorable view of your people, hipsters. gregory, please don't put those
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back on. i'm trying to ask you a question. >> whatever, i don't care. >> jimmy: you don't care about the poll or you don't care about the fact that i'm asking you a question. is there anything you care about? >> i care about my competitive skipping class i'm taking tonight. >> jimmy: all right, that's something. when is that class? >> like 45 minutes ago, i guess, i don't know. i don't believe in watches. >> jimmy: oh. well, you're actually wearing a watch, it looks like. >> it's broken. >> jimmy: oh, sorry. >> are we done here? >> jimmy: yeah, i think we are. okay. >> lame! >> jimmy: he does have excellent form. these kids today, i don't understand them at all. and one more thing, another week has come to a close and it is time, as is tradition for a weekly tribute to the fcc where we beep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary
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censorship." >> good evening. we're beginning tonight with breaking news. barack obama has just [ bleep ] the acting head of the irs. >> a group of bleep lovers had a search and rescue. >> they're coming on my [ bleep ]. >> our administration has to make sure we're working hand in hand with [ bleep ] to get this thing [ bleep ]. >> i still get a kick out of it when he [ bleep ] my ass. i'm right outside the fox studios right now here on 67th street and i'm [ bleep ] for free. >> one play embodied last season for the jets. mark sanchez's butt [ bleep ] on thanksgiving. >> thank you so much for coming on the show.
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great [ bleep ]. >> she was terrified when she saw what looked like a little boy sitting on the bathroom sink watch her take a [ bleep ]. >> how embarrassing! >> do you have anything that can fix that? >> it won't come off! >> jimmy: tonight on the show, alice eve is here. we have music from bad rabbits, and we'll be right back with adam levine. so stay in your spinny chairs. the first time i saw a sony 4k tv, it was like opening my eyes. it's four times the detail of hd. colors become richer. details become clearer. which for a filmmaker, changes everything. because now there are no more barriers between the world that i see and the ones i can show you. the sony 4k ultra hd tv.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program you can currently see her boldly going where a few people have gone before from "star trek into darkness" alice eve is here. and then with music from their brand new album called "american love" from boston, bad rabbits on the sony stage. we've got a good line up for you next week. ed helms will be here, as will mark ruffalo, alyssa milano, ethan hawke, ludacris, the new bachelorette, desiree will be with us. this year's national school scrabble champions will be here to face me and to lose. we'll have music from jewel, darius rucker, reggie watts and
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thirty seconds to mars. [ applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a three-time grammy-winning and multi-tattooed man his band is called the maroon fives, right? and you can see him coach young versions of himself in his fourth season of "the voice." please say hello to adam levine. [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> i'm trying to compete with you. >> jimmy: you look nice. does your mother like it when you dress up in a suit? >> she hates my tattoos. i finally got a mom tattoo so she would like one of them. she hates that one also. >> jimmy: at least she doesn't
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discriminate against the it is a toos. >> she likes this, though. >> jimmy: did you work today? >> today, i didn't work today. today, you are work. but it doesn't feel like it. yeah, man, this is fun. i love hanging out on this show. >> jimmy: i heard you're moving. how does that work when you're moving? doou have a company come in and do it all for you? or are you involved in it? >> we have some help from a company that moves. mostly it's my buddies that helped me out. >> jimmy: they do? >> i pay them. >> jimmy: some of them, yeah. but my buddies are cool. they help me out. >> jimmy: so the maroon four are carrying a piano down the stairs? >> the band, we don't spend any time together unless we're up on stage. >> jimmy: if your buddies are helping you move, will you help them move? >> no, i will not help them. i don't want to help them. >> jimmy: moving is -- it's -- do you get possessive about your possession? >> i'm not like a horder, you
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know how people keep things and hold on to every single thing they have. there's a few things i like to keep with me. i lived in a lot of houses growing up. >> jimmy: so you're used to packing and moving around? >> i can pack light. >> jimmy: i'm not like that. i have every sticker since i was 11. >> maybe you're a horder. you should be on that show. >> jimmy: i just keep spread things into storage units. and i don't know what's going to become of these things. >> what if one of your units was on that show "storage wars." best storage ever. >> jimmy: that and michael jackson's storage unit would be the two best ones. i don't know why that was upsetting. >> chill out, guys. >> jimmy: i happen to know that you and jonah hill have been friends for -- how old were you when you -- >> it's a long story, i will not tell you all the bits. our parents and his parents were
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very connected. his brother is actually our manager, which is amazing. >> jimmy: i did know that. that's a strange kind of intersection. >> bizarre. we were the least likely to succeed growing up for sure. >> jimmy: the two of you? >> it's so funny that all of this has happened. >> jimmy: awful in what way? >> jonah was just like me. we -- and kids, you should always stay in school and do your home work. we didn't do our homework. >> jimmy: you did not? >> no, we were slackers. and no one thought we would amount to bupkis. >> jimmy: was he a clown? >> oh, yeah. he's super funny. jonah would always have some amazing story that he would convince all of these friends. we would -- this is so stupid. we were watching "willow." you know the movie "willow"? he managed to convince everyone that val kilmer was his father. that doesn't look like richie. no, no, it was when he was really young. stupid stuff like that.
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another time, his dad -- i don't know why he always roasted his father. poor guy. he's the nicest guy ever. he's a business manager. he managed the money of big rock stars, big bands and stuff. but jonah thought this was kind of embarrassing, so career day in school, elementary school. unbeknownst to his father, he told his teacher because he was embarrassed of his father's super awesome profession. he told his teacher that his father was a baker and he had his own pastry store or something. and so, of course, the father comes in thinking i have this sweet job i'm going to tell everyone about. and the teacher says so, richard, we hear you're a baker. he said no, that's awesome, but i think my job is pretty sweet. >> jimmy: that is a strange thing to make up. >> why is my son so ashamed of my career? >> jimmy: what was your first tour like? do you remember your first maroon five tour? >> oh, my gosh. yeah, we opened for show crow back in the day. >> whew! >> whew, yeah, show crow is awesome.
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but back in the day, it wasn't that glamorous. we played at 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. in the parking lot. >> jimmy: that doesn't count as opening for show crow. you're parking attendants for show crow. >> it was a crappy gig, but they paid us a tiny amount of money. people are coming in. it's like a tailgate performance basically. >> jimmy: wow. does show crow know you were out there? >> i don't think so. i don't think they had any idea. but we would go around, play our show and just beg. we would go around just begging people, free, promo cds. people would say no. everyone would say no. just take it. it's awesome, i promise. >> jimmy: it's a funny thing when people are thrusting a cd on you, you do not want it. they kind of go like this. it's not the highest of times. >> jimmy: were you living a rock 'n roll lifestyle at that time? >> we were working really hard and have no glamorous anything going on. it was awful. >> jimmy: no drugs or craziness at that time? >> yeah.
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yeah, no. i love it when you get those applause like yeah, drugs! >> jimmy: certain key words that light everybody up. >> no, we had a brief experience with what was then i guess ambien. i shouldn't tell the story. >> jimmy: you're among friends. >> we didn't know what it was. we thought it would help us go to sleep. >> jimmy: where did you get it? >> relax. we foolishly thought we would take it because we wanted to go to sleep. it's the first and last time we ever took this drug. and we took it, but we were at a denny's. in some shady part of the city or whatever part of the country we were in. and we took it. we ordered it. because i ordered moons over my hammy.
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we both ordered the same thing. fabulous entree if you've ever had it. >> jimmy: many times. >> and we woke up at the table what must have been an hour -- i don't know -- moons over my hammy comes with cheese. it was hardened plastic. i woke up first. i saw james there. james had his head down. i was like hey, man, hey, hey, we should get out of here. and we didn't eat our food. and we sheepishly paid our bill and they were watching us walk out. what's wrong with these guys. since then, i've never done drugs. >> jimmy: morality story there. we'll be right back.
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>> we are back with adam levine, alice eve and bad rabbits still to come. do you have fun on the voice? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? >> no, i do. it's such a refreshing experience to have. >> jimmy: who's coming back next season and who's coming back after that?
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>> i don't know that i'm contractually obliged to tell you. >> jimmy: i think they announced it in the press, though. >> what did they announce? >> jimmy: next year, i think christina is coming back. >> sounds good. >> jimmy: and the year after that, she's going away again and shakira is coming back and same thing with c-lo. >> that was well done. i'm glad i dodged that bullet. >> jimmy: we clarified it right there. are you friendly with blake shelton? >> we are friendly. we've gotten very comfortable making fun of each other. and people are like, do you really fight? >> no, we don't fight. >> jimmy: you have to be friendly to fight like that on the air. >> we're really good friends. we know it's not real. >> jimmy: you seem like different kinds of guys. i know he's into hunting. >> i'm not into hunting. >> jimmy: very masculine type stuff. >> and i'm not? >> jimmy: you passed out in cheese at denny's. >> no, i try to be masculine
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with blake, it just doesn't work. we went hunting. he made me -- he had like a thousand million bajillion acres in oklahoma. he's always hunting because he loves to hunt. like a lot. and so he was like you're going to come shoot something with me today. and i'm like okay, fine. i'll shoot at something. how about that? you got to shoot at a deer. i'm not shooting a deer, you [ bleep ]. well, you shoot a turkey. they're stupid. maybe if we eat it i'll shoot it. we couldn't find a turkey and i probably wouldn't have shot it anyway. we found a duck that was, like, 400 yards away. and i'm like all right, i'll shoot at the duck. and i shot at the duck. and i missed it, but i didn't miss it as well as i wanted to miss it. and he was like good shot, man. oh, yeah, no [ bleep ]. that's horrible. really hoping that it wouldn't
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have been -- >> jimmy: so you intentionally missed the duck. he would say no, i didn't. if i wanted to shoot the duck, i would have shot the duck. >> jimmy: look at that. adam levine, a friend to people and ducks everywhere. his show is called "the voice" on monday on nbc. thank you, adam. we'll be right back with alice eve. >> portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by the internship. to sell brit, miller lite sent their own interns on the road. ♪
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[ female voice ] sorry. i don't update like that. i'm sorry. i can only do one thing at a time. i guess powerpoint isn't one of those things. should we just play "chopsticks"? [ "chopsticks" plays ] ♪ [ "chopsticks" continues ] ♪
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>> jimmy: you know our next guest from "sex and the city 2" and "men in black 3." now, she keeps her sequel streak alive in the new movie "star trek into darkness." please welcome alice eve. [ applause ]
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>> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm very well. how are you? >> jimmy: is everything okay? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: you know, my parents used to let us open one alice on alice eve. i'm sorry, i'm distracted. >> you know, that's the first time i've heard that. >> jimmy: is that right? i don't believe it. >> and i've been going a while with this name. >> jimmy: i don't know if you're being sarcastic or not. >> i couldn't figure out where the joke was going. i'm not being sarcastic and you were making a good joke. >> jimmy: you hear that guillermo? i made a good joke. >> good job. >> jimmy: as part of your press tour, you spoke to the astronauts yesterday? >> that was definitely the
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coolest thing we've done. we had an amazing time. yesterday we got to go and skype, i guess, it sounds so pedestrian for a nasa guy, but we skyped to a guy in the space station. and he was turning around in the air and when we would talk he would let go of his mike and it would stay there. >> jimmy: it was you and j.j. abrams and who else? >> the writer, chris pine who plays kirk. >> jimmy: what was the nature of the conversation? >> well, j.j., it was very interesting, he said he sat next to an astronaut once who told him he had seen forms or shapes that made him believe in alien life. which is, you know, really scary. >> jimmy: and exciting. >> and so the response that the guy, the nasa base gave us when j.j. asked this question, have
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you seen alien life was so rehearsed and so clear that they had seen -- and i'm going to get abducted for doing this. >> jimmy: so you believe there's a party line they are given? and they kind of have to regurgitate it? >> well, i don't know -- i'm not saying that i believe that. >> jimmy: you do. >> do you yourself believe that there are aliens? >> yeah, you know, i do. >> jimmy: then i do, too. >> okay. >> jimmy: i do kind of believe it. i have to say, i have not seen it. but for me, it's all about the odds. and i look at the universe and the universe and the -- how many planets are there, and what are the odds that there aren't beings out there? >> or birds if you look at birds. >> jimmy: what do you mean? or birds, yeah. >> birds are so weird. >> jimmy: i believe in birds.
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>> and birds fly. >> jimmy: that is totally true. i agree. birds do fly. >> can we swear? >> jimmy: go crazy. >> that's like alien [ bleep ] birds flying is alien [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you believe birds are coming out of aliens? >> i believe birds are from the time of aliens, yes. >> jimmy: where did you go to school? >> i actually went to oxford university. >> jimmy: oh, you did? my goodness. then you know that this is serious. >> i paid loads of attention. >> jimmy: did you go to a boarding school? >> i did. i didn't like boarding school, though. >> jimmy: you didn't? why not? >> i got really lonely, i missed my mom. and the girls stole your mascara. >> jimmy: they're not nice? >> well, it's not that they're
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not nice, but i know you're interested in hazing, right? >> jimmy: well, yes. who isn't? >> aren't we all. >> jimmy: that's how i spend most of my day. >> i hear that. i guess the boys will, like, stick another boy's head down the loo and flush. >> jimmy: we call that a swirly. >> and the girl's version of hazing is, like, yeah, i have your mascara now and that's how it is. >> jimmy: we call that stealing. >> in girl world it's hazing. >> jimmy: for us it's shoplifting. star trek opened like a week ago in england. has your family seen the show already? >> my brothers came to the london premier with me, yeah. >> jimmy: nice. did they enjoy it? >> yes. it was really nice to be able to be in a film that appealed to them that wasn't, you know, for
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girls or -- >> jimmy: was this the first time? >> well, it's a really -- it's a boy's movie, i think. boys love star trek. >> jimmy: are they trekkies? >> no, they're not trekkies, but they like benedict cumberbatch in it. >> jimmy: he did do a great job. so they're cumbies or something? >> come -- cumberbitches. no, no, they're going to kill me. >> jimmy: is that a group we should know about? >> in england, it is a thing. >> jimmy: we have benedict [ bleep ] heads here, but we don't have -- >> you made the alice eve christmas joke, right? what do you do, like, if you want to make a joke about benedict cumberbatch's name? >> jimmy: you don't have to, his name is already a joke. there's no alteration necessary. it comes premade. it is a strange name. he's great in the movie. you did a great job in the moo
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uh vie. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: by the way, in real life if you walked on to anyone's starship, you wouldn't have to sneak on in any way. if there are aliens, i have a feeling they're going to get to you first. but it's very nice to meet you. congratulations on the movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: the movie is called "star trek into darkness" alice eve, everyone. we'll be right back with bad rabbits.
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it's like lightning in a snowball. it's like an iceberg volcano. it's like a hot chocolate coolat! i just read the cup. hot chocolate goes chill with the dunkin' donuts hot chocolate coolatta. hurry in and cool off today. america runs on dunkin'.
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to the juicy part yet. i have. it's tender, too. yeah? so he texts back, "spring break '05," like that narrows it down. everyone's talking about dunkin's new juicy chicken sandwich. grab one with barbecue or bacon and ranch today. america runs on dunkin'. >> jimmy: their latest album, "american love," is out now. making their television debut with the song "can't fool me" bad rabbits! oh-oh oh-oh ♪ i think i changed
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my mind i might need to take some time off girl it's just the way ♪ ♪ that you smiled at me that made me drop down to my knees 'cus you had style ♪ ♪ like no other and i thought that it was another one, yeah and with you ♪ ♪ skin like an angel i know that i'm in danger when you think about it let's think about it ♪ ♪ girl, you can't fool me this
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ain't the first time this shit has happened to me girl, you can't fool me ♪ ♪ this ain't the first time and ima be okay your eyes, your thighs your booty and your smile ♪ ♪ i think i made up my mind i'm gonna do it right this time baby i was so caught up ♪ ♪ couldn't even fill my cup cus you had style like no other and i thought that ♪ ♪ you were another one, yeah and with your skin like an angel i know that i'm in danger ♪ ♪ when i think about it let's think about it you were trouble from the first time ♪ ♪ i laid my eyes on you girl, you can't fool me this ain't the first time this has happened to me ♪ ♪ girl, you can't fool me this